


Short Stories, Mostly

by broadlicnic



Category: As the World Turns
Genre: Angst, Character Death, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-20
Updated: 2011-07-20
Packaged: 2017-10-21 14:26:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/226200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/broadlicnic/pseuds/broadlicnic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In February, his kidney fails. Luke Snyder is twenty-nine years old. (Post-train.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Short Stories, Mostly

**Author's Note:**

> Set after the train incident but written before that aired, so AU.

In February, his kidney fails. Luke Snyder is twenty-nine years old.

Oakdale Memorial floods with visitors. Alison Stewart-Hughes devotes herself to his case. Holden and Lily Snyder put on a brave face for the younger siblings. Casey Hughes never leaves his bedside. Even Noah Mayer returns from LA.

He watches the hallways of Memorial through his window as Casey sleeps, noting every single doctor that passes by but not really caring. The fatherly calm of Bob Hughes will never echo through the stark corridors, having passed away in his sleep almost a year ago. Ali is the only face that stands out in the blur. Except for Chris Hughes, but Luke still cannot look at him without feeling sick to his stomach.

Casey stirs in the chair beside him, and Luke summons the strength to nudge him awake.

"Hey man," Casey says around a yawn. "You okay? Need me to fetch a doctor?"

Luke shakes his head and licks his lips, his mouth dry. "Things aren't looking good for me, Case."

"Don't say that," Casey insists, sitting forward and taking Luke's hand. "We're gonna find you a new kidney, and you'll damn well take care of this one."

Luke laughs a little, but otherwise remains silent. His attention returns to the window, barely acknowledging Casey's thumb running over his knuckles, or the slight tremble in his hand. He faintly makes out a sniffle from Casey through the white noise in his head. Because outside the window, he can see a white labcoat. He can see the curls of hair at the nape of his neck; hair that appears blond and brown and red all at once. He notes how he gestures with his hand as he speaks, how that hand is holding a sandwich.

He can see how the shoulders are a little too slouched. How he taps his foot when he's nervous. How his labcoat doesn't quite fit him right. It's not him.

"I don't want to die in here," Luke whispers.

"You won't," Casey says, and he takes Luke's face in his. Casey kisses Luke's forehead, in a platonic gesture of their friendship. Casey is the only person he could stand to show any affection for over the past seven years, besides Ethan and Natalie. Casey is the only person Luke allowed to hold him as he cried; the only person who could convince Luke not to drink, if only because that look on Casey's face when he did reminded Luke so much of _him_.

Casey's kiss means nothing to him.

"Not here," Luke says again.

"Not anywhere," Casey cries. "Luke, man, everybody in this whole fucking town is trying to help you. Katie's show is appealing, Noah's making calls to hospitals in LA. Lucinda's calling in favours from everyone she's ever met. Even Damian is tearing the whole of Malta apart trying to find you a donor. You're not going to die."

"Yes I am," Luke says, his voice calmer than he anticipated, "but not in this room."

"Luke..."

"Casey. Help me."

\---

 _Noah Mayer is dreaming, though he hasn't realised it yet. He's on set back in LA, and the production assistant he's been fucking because he has blond hair and a slightly upturned nose brings him a coffee. He recognises the cup to be from Java, and leaves his latte untouched. The boom mic is in place, and the lighting is perfect. He calls for action._

 _He's filming an exterior scene, down by a pond identical to the one at Snyder Farm. The overhanging trees cast a shadow over his two male protagonists. They kiss, and Noah calls for the camera operator to get a close-up. Moments later, the operator lets out a horrified gasp, and Noah sees the blood pooling on the ground at the bottom of his monitor screen. His two actors stumble out of the shadows. One, the young blond, is bleeding from the abdomen, while the other, older man sports a gaping hole where his heart should be._

 _Noah calls out cut and throws his headphones down. The actors break out into a run and pin him down to the director's chair. Luke's fist punches through to his kidney. Reid rips out his heart._

Casey shakes Noah awake at around 2am in the waiting room. Noah instinctively grabs Casey's forearms and pulls him onto his lap, burying his face in Casey's chest and sobbing. Casey brings a hand up to Noah's hair, stroking it lightly and blinking back his own tears.

"Luke's refusing a transplant," Casey says, and Noah lifts his head. "He wants us to call off the search. Says he'll deliberately drink himself to death if we go against his wishes."

"That's insane," Noah whispers, and Casey smiles a little.

"You've not been around the past seven years, Noah. We've all come to expect a little insanity from him these days."

"Is there anything we can do?" Noah asks. Casey strokes a thumb over Noah's cheek.

"If I weren't such a trusting wife, I'd be worried," Alison says. Casey reaches a hand out to her, which she takes, and she sits on the floor, resting her head against Casey's thigh. "How's Luke?"

"Refusing a transplant," Casey tells her, and Alison covers her mouth with her hand. "We're meeting in the morning to decide what to do next. My dad, Chris, Holden and Lily. I'll be there too. Noah, I think you should come."

"Of course," Noah nods. "Maybe I should speak to him."

"No man," Casey says. "I've known Luke my whole life. I've seen him torn apart so many times, and I'm sorry to say this, but you can't help him."

"How the fuck would you know?" Noah snaps. "We loved each other. You have no idea how much that meant."

"Noah," Alison says quietly. "You're using the past tense."

"Luke asked one thing of me," Casey says. "If he's going to die, he wants to be transferred to the room Reid died in."

"For fuck's sake," Noah mutters.

"Look, try as we might, none of us will ever understand how deeply Reid's death cut Luke up inside," Casey begins. "And with my grandfather gone, there's only one person who has a hope of reaching him."

Alison stands. "I'll call Katie."

\---

Katie Hughes finishes blowing up the last balloon and ties a knot in the rubber. The entire floor is covered in the multi-coloured blobs, and on the kitchen counter lies a cake in the shape of a brain. She secures a party hat to her head and blows a small horn.

"I bet you really hate this," she says to the air.

Katie performs this little ceremony every year, and Chris knows to work the night shift whenever this date arrives. Usually, Luke joins her. They sit together, eat disgusting, high-cholestol sandwiches and watch _The Godfather_ , Parts I and II. Every year, Luke buys a new copy of Part III, and he and Katie snap the disc into pieces. They eat so much cake that they're almost sick, and then they talk to his photograph like he's there. They'll take turns imitating his voice, trying to construct sarcastic one-liners to their grief, but neither being witty enough. They'll fall asleep together on the couch. Luke will pretend it is Reid lying in his arms, and Katie will imagine Brad enveloping her. She will wonder aloud if Brad has met Reid yet, and Luke will insist that Reid and Brad are laughing at them for being so pathetic.

This year, Luke isn't here for Reid's birthday. Luke is dying too, and Katie hasn't even been to visit him.

"I'm sorry," she tells Reid's photograph. "Jacob!" she calls out, "do you want to come blow out the candles for Uncle Reid?"

Jacob bounds out of his bedroom, and Katie lights each of the candles. Jacob laughs at the cake design, and pulls his toy stethescope out of his pocket, flinging it around his neck.

"What do you think Uncle Reid would want to wish for?" Katie asks.

"I think he wants Luke to get better," Jacob says. Jacob closes his eyes and whispers, "I wish Luke will be okay." He blows out the candles and Katie cuts him a slice of cake.

"Happy birthday, Reid," she says, smiling, and her cell-phone rings.

"Hello?" she answers. It's Alison. When she hangs up, Katie calls Margo, Henry, anybody who will watch Jacob, and heads straight for the hospital.

\---

"Are you a complete fucking idiot?" Katie screams. Luke doesn't care.

"Hi Katie," he says, his voice droll.

"Casey said you're refusing a transplant. Do you want to die?"

"Yes," Luke says immediately.

Katie laughs, incredulous. "Then you didn't deserve him."

"How dare you!" Luke says, but any malice in his voice is crushed by his exhaustion, and he only ends up sounding desperate.

"Do you think Reid would want to see you give up on life like this?" Katie snaps at him. "He was a doctor. He would tear the world apart to save your life."

"Katie, he's dead," Luke says. "If I die, I'll be with him again."

"If you die like this, he won't ever want to see you again. Luke, I knew Reid. He'd want you to live on, find happiness. I understand how you feel, but-"

"How could you ever understand?" Luke interrupts.

"Because every morning I wake up with Chris, it's Reid's heart I hear beating," Katie says through her tears. "God! You're just as stubborn as he was!"

"I'll take that as a compliment," Luke says, and Katie laughs.

"It was meant to be." She nods towards a thick notebook on Luke's bedside table. "What's in there?"

"It's my writing journal," Luke says. "It's pretty much what's been keeping me sane over the past few years." Luke stretches his arm over to pick up the notebook, and the activity leaves him short of breath. "I started writing again a few months after it happened."

"What do you write?" Katie asks.

"Short stories, mostly," Luke answers flicking through the pages. "I've filled twenty-three books so far with stories of all the things Reid and I would have done together. In one, we went to your wedding, and Reid heckled Chris' speech."

"Can I read them?"

"Casey has them," Luke says. "He's the only person who knew I was doing this."

"Well, can I read this one?" Katie asks, reaching for the notebook. Luke pulls his hand away.

"Soon," he promises. "There are just enough pages for one more story."

"And then you'll die, right?" Katie says, a hint of disgust in her voice. "Because dying's the only answer, right?"

"Right," Luke nods.

"You are so stupid," Katie laughs. "When Brad died, I had so many opportunities to give up, but I didn't. I carried on with my life, and I'm happy. You will be too if you just give yourself a chance."

"I don't know how," Luke whispers.

"Yes, you do," Katie insists. "Today is Reid's birthday, and since you weren't there, Jacob blew out the candles on the cake for him. He made a wish, and do you know what he wished for?" Luke shakes his head. "He wished that you would be okay. Fuck, Luke, you have to be okay."

"Then tell me what to do."

"Well, first of all, have the goddamn transplant. Then do what you do best."

"Drink?" Luke says with a small smile.

"Write," Katie shoots back. "Tell Reid's story. Publish it. Show the world how much you loved him, and he will live on."

"And if that doesn't work?"

"Well, you're going to die one day," Katie says, getting up to leave the room. "Just give living a chance first, okay?"

\---

 _Reid never told me why he kept his toothbrush in that same place: in the left slot, facing the left. But every morning and night, I place my own in the right slot, facing the right._

Casey closes the book, and sighs.

"It's terrible, isn't it," Luke says, his hands fidgeting with the tassles on the cushion.

"Luke, man. It's-"

"It's amazing," Alison interjects.

"Really?" Luke asks.

"One of the best things I've ever read," Will insists. Gwen nods her agreement.

"I call filming rights," Noah says, raising his hand.

Luke laughs, "As long as you cast someone gorgeous to play me."

"Oh, I will," Noah promises, "but my actor will be the hottest."

Luke turns back to Casey. "Well?"

"I'll be honest, I would like to have been spared the detailed sex scenes," Casey admits, "but I agree. Awesome."

"Well, now it's got the Casey Hughes seal of approval, I can sign the deal with the publishers tomorrow."

Katie sets down her copy, stands and crosses the room. She engulfs Luke in a tight hug and whispers in his ear, "Thank you."

"What for?" Luke asks.

"If you'd have given up, this book wouldn't have existed."

"Luke," Chris says. He's in the corner of the room, almost hidden in the growing shadows of dusk. "I didn't need to read this book to know how much you hate me."

Katie releases Luke and turns to her husband. Alison takes Casey's hand. Will and Gwen excuse themselves to check on Hallie and Jacob. Noah places a hand on Luke's knee and Daniel, his new boyfriend, heads to the kitchen to fetch drinks.

"I'm sorry," Chris says, and Luke sighs.

"I can't look at you without remembering what I lost," Luke says. "I feel sick every time I see you. But I don't hate you. Reid wouldn't want me to hate you."

"If there's anything I can do-" Chris begins.

"You found me a new kidney," Luke interrupts. "And you gave me the chance to be okay. And I am. I still cry, still grieve, but I'm finally okay."

\---

Luke Snyder dies at the age of sixty-two. He's still quite young, but given the number of illnesses he'd battled through, sixty-two was considered quite the achievement.

He had the chance to say goodbye: to his family, to Casey and Alison, Noah and Daniel.

He authorised James to switch off his life-support. James who had taught Luke to love again, who had carried Luke from crying every night to naming their cat Reid and laughing whenever their pet tried to steal a bite from their sandwiches. Before slipping into unconsciousness, Luke couldn't help but feel guilty that he was leaving James the same broken mess that Reid had left him.

 _"You took your sweet time," Reid says, arms crossed over his chest._

 _"I thought you didn't believe in the afterlife," Luke teases._

 _"I was wrong. So, good life, was it?"_

 _"Yeah," Luke nods. "It was."_

 _"It would have been better if I'd have been there, though," Reid says, stepping closer._

 _"Obviously," Luke agrees. Reid takes his hands._

 _"Well, you're here now, and we have all of eternity."_

 _"You still like me, even though I'm old?" Luke asks._

 _Reid laughs, "You look like you always did to me." He cups Luke's cheek with his hand. "Besides, I'd love you even if you were a decrepid geriatric with saggy manboobs."_

 _"Death has turned you soppy," Luke observes._

 _"You did that," Reid corrects him, and leans in to kiss him._

 _"So, what is there to do around here?" Luke asks when they break apart._

 _Reid shrugs. "Haunting's always fun."_

 _"Ooh, let's do Casey first!"_

 _Reid rolls his eyes, "You might want to rephrase that."_

 _Luke tugs at his hand and smiles. "I missed you."_

 _Reid smiles back. "I missed you too."_


End file.
